By Clint McElroy
HQ 53 | AUTUMN 2004
Huntington Quarterly hitting its 15th anniversary is indeed a grand and glorious accomplishment, and young Jack Houvouras is to be commended. But I, too, am a visionary and instead of looking back over the last 15 years prefer to look ahead to the next 15.
So, Sherman, set the “Time Machine” ahead to the year 2020…
• Jim’s Steak and Spaghetti House sees a huge increase in popularity when scientists perfect the edible shirt. This frees diners from the fear of spaghetti sauce stains, creating a renaissance of pasta slurping, followed by a delicious dessert shirt, preferably of the chocolate pie variety.
• Pullman Square will enjoy its 15th year of commercial success in 2020, prompting developers to double the size of the retail and entertainment complex. It will then be known as Pullman Rectangle.
• Ken Hechler is just finishing up his second term as West Virginia’s Governor when he announces that he will seek the office of president in 2020. The 105 year old politician then taps David Felinton, Huntington’s new Director of Sanitation, as his running mate.
• Professional baseball finally returns to Huntington in the year 2020. It’s only a Single A ball club, but it’s a match made in heaven since fans in Huntington have been hungry for baseball and the Reds have no where to go since being run out of Cincinnati.
• A former big-name television star runs for political office in 2020 and wins! The city sees a gigantic upswing in business, widespread road repairs and an improvement in the urban infrastructure, all thanks to the administration of Mayor Beeper.
• Bob Pruett is still coaching and winning at Marshall University but is fired unexpectedly when university officials discover that he lied on his initial resume. The beloved coach who claimed that he was from the humble community of East Beckley was, in reality, from the thriving metropolis of Beckley.
• The deal will be finalized in 2020 for the merger of Camden Park and Walt Disney World, with Camden, of course, buying out Disney. This is made possible by Camden Park’s enormous profit margins. As one Disney executive puts it: “We just can’t compete with their infamous corndogs!”
• Marshall University and West Virginia University finally have a rematch on the football field as the Thundering Herd and the Mountaineers play for the National Championship in the Orange Bowl. Mark McVey’s daughter sings the National Anthem. Keith Morehouse’s kids do play-by-play. Benjy Steele’s son rides his Harley out before kickoff. The ceremonial coin toss is done by Soupy Sales, who then hits the referee in the face with a coconut cream pie.
• And Clint McElroy is finally chosen in 2020 to be placed on the Huntington Wall of Fame. He is cited for his years of service on the radio, his involvement in community theatre, his participation in civic events, and his untimely passing at the hands of a lynch mob after his column is published in the 15th Anniversary Issue of the Huntington Quarterly.
