By Clint McElroy
HQ 57 | WINTER/SPRING 2006
We got trouble, right here in one of the River Cities. I’m talking about Trouble in Huntington! Trouble, my friends, with a capital T.
But not to fret my friends, for I can solve Huntington’s trouble with a wave of my hand. I came to this conclusion while studying at the Gary Conservatory, Class of ’73. Gather ‘round folks, gather round.
Now I know we have some terrific things going on in Huntington, wondrous things, marvelous things. We’ve got Pullman Square, we’ve got Ritter Park, we’ve got Marshall University.
But you know what we AIN’T got? There’s something missing. Something all the major cities in the country have. And you don’t want to be left behind do you? Well, of course not! You know what Huntington needs?
A slogan!
Yes, friends, a slogan. A slogan sums up what your city is all about. It entices new businesses, lures tourists and instills throbbing pride in its residents. Think about some of the great cities that are on the “grow” these days:
Las Vegas: “What Happens Here Stays Here.”
Chicago: “The Windy City.”
Hershey, Pennsylvania: “The Sweetest Place on Earth.”
Atlantic City: “Always Turned On.”
And, of course, New York City, who has not one, but two great slogans: “The Big Apple” and “The City That Never Sleeps.”
You see, friends? These slogans make outsiders say “Hmmm, wonder what that’s all about? I think I want to move my family, store or plant there.”
It makes the residents say: “This is the best place on the planet. I never want to leave.”
And Huntington doesn’t have one. I checked the official website, and if it’s on there, I couldn’t find it.
So step right up, ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages because I, Professor Clint McElroy, have slogans galore. I’ve got slogans that will make corporations immediately close shop and look for empty store fronts for their new Huntington location. I’ve got slogans that will make young families jump on MapQuest for driving directions to that wonderful city on the Ohio River built by Collis P. Huntington.
Ahhh, I see some of you are doubters, nay-sayers and pooh-pooh-ers. Let me give you a few samples of the delicious slogans I have in my vast inventory:
“Huntington: With More Wal-Marts Than Any Other City Around!”
“If you’re HUNTING for a TON of things to do, try HUNTING-TON!”
“Was Your City Built By A Billionaire Railroad Magnate? Ours Was!”
“Huntington: Think What We Could Do If the Legislature Gave Us the Kind of Money They Give Charleston!”
“Huntington: We’ve Got More Orange Traffic Barrels Per Square Mile Than Any City In the World!”
“Huntington: Go Ahead And Make Fun of the Superblock Now, Wise-Guy!”
“Huntington:TheHomeof Beloved DJ, Magazine Columnist, and All-Around Great Guy…”
Okay, so I thought I’d slip that one by you when you weren’tpaying attention. I mean, who thought you’d still be reading this thing?
See what I mean? Huntington needs a catchy slogan! So why not send me your suggestions? You can send them to Clint McElroy, c/o Huntington Quarterly,
P.O. Box 384, Huntington, WV, 25708, or you can e-mail them to [email protected] since Publisher Jack Houvouras is too cheap to give me my OWN e-mail address.
So come on friends, let’s make this slogan thing happen and usher in a new age of prosperity in Huntington!
