By Clint McElroy
HQ 69 | WINTER/SPRING 2010
In 2009, Harold “Hawkshaw” Hawkins, Henriella Perry, Paul W. Whear and Clint McElroy were inducted into the Greater Huntington Wall of Fame by the City of Huntington Foundation. Plaques featuring the inductees’ names and pictures were added to the Wall of Fame located in the Big Sandy Superstore Arena.
I know how this is going to sound, but I think I’m going to need a bigger plaque. You see, this particular plaque is not nearly big enough.
For instance, nowhere on here does it mention the fact that I won the Best Actor Award at Ironton High School in 1972 and 1973, which wouldn’t have happened if my speech teacher Judy Gruber hadn’t said, “I don’t know if you have any other applicable skills. Maybe you might want to give acting a try.”
It says nothing about how I was a proud member of the Zoar Ridge Boys, a gospel singing group I performed in with my cousins Tim and Tom Neal. They taught me how to look cool, even when wearing monogrammed sweater vests. Rebuttal from Tom Neal: We probably didn’t look as cool as we thought we did, although I do believe we were the inspiration for Ohio State Coach Jim Tressel’s monogrammed sweater vests.
There’s nothing on here about how I am a born-again Baptist, which wouldn’t have happened if my aunt and uncle, Tom and Betty Neal, hadn’t said, “You are not sick. Get your Sunday School clothes on.”
I see nothing on here about King of the USA, the first comic book script I ever sold, thanks to the manipulations of comic pros like Chuck Dixon, Tim Truman and the original “Real Man” Beau Smith.
There’s no room on here for all the articles I have written for Huntington Quarterly, which stemmed from an encounter with Jack Houvouras, who said, “You talk funny. Think you can write funny?”
There’s not a lot of detail about how I have the tremendous honor of teaching in the Marshall University Theatre Department, through the patience of Julie Jackson, the insight of Lang Reynolds and the pushing of Jack Cirillo – lots and lots of pushing. Rebuttal from Jack Cirillo: When I first moved to Huntington, anytime the word “theatre” was mentioned, I would hear about the “famous” McElroys. I responded by saying that I was aware of the Barrymores, the Lunts and the Baldwins, but never the McElroys.
They need to make room on the plaque for my older brother David – my hero – who told a radio station in Tampa, Fla., “My brother just graduated from Marshall with a broadcasting degree. Do we have a nepotism policy?” We need room for my baby brother Mark, who no matter what I accomplish or what heights I reach starts every phone call to me the same way: “Hey, Fathead.”
There needs to be room for that fuzzy-headed radio guy Steve Hayes, who is responsible for my horrendous multiple personality disorder and the best stories I can never tell my children. Rebuttal from Steve Hayes: I must have told him a million times, “Spud, don’t jump off that 80-foot cliff with my dog.” Or, “Ducky, why did you put that bee in your ear while we were helping Hurricane Hugo victims?” Or, “Clint, why did you tell me to moon the camera while filming our TV show?”
You need to make room there for Judy Jennings, who sat across a desk from me and said, “Come to work at WTCR and it will be the last job you take.” Once I figured out that she didn’t mean to have me killed, I realized she was offering me a home. And it did become a home, providing me with something I never had. A sister, named Judy Eaton.
I don’t see how the plaque can be complete without mentioning that I am the proud grandson of Luella Sparling, who made me date bars. While she was making them, she taught me about life. If anyone thinks I am a good person, a decent, caring person, I learned it from my Mamaw Lu.
The plaque omits the fact that I am a stepfather, a title I have worn with honor since Feb. 28, 2009. The latest expansion to my family tree includes TJ, Chris and Abby, who by the way, will grow the tree a little more with a new addition in April.
Somewhere on there it should mention that I am honored to be a father-in-law to the multiply blessed Sydnee Smirl, M.D., who not only won my son’s heart but mine as well. By taking Justin in marriage, she allowed me to take two of my dearest friends, Mary and Tommy Smirl, into my family as well.
I have two brothers by flesh, but I also have two brothers whom I don’t share a single chromosome. Rick Mayne and Kevin Stutler, to be perfectly frank, have made my life a living hell…which I would walk through for either of them. Rebuttal from Rick Mayne: “Walk through hell?” Where were you when I ended up 50th in our graduating class at Ironton High School in 1973? I was Top 10 material before you showed up.
My name is the only one on the plaque, although, in a way, I share it with my dad. Yes, I got his name, his somewhat twisted funny bone and his love of radio. But not his height or slimness of figure.
Speaking of love, there really should be room in the plaque for Leslie McElroy. In the 27 years I was lucky enough to be married to her, she taught me…everything. I would not have a plaque if not for her.
I mentioned I am a stepfather since February. I am sure you figured out by now that I was remarried – to the wonderful Carol. The joy I thought had gone out of my life for good, she brought back to me.
The plaque doesn’t even mention my greatest accomplishments: my boys.
My son Griffin is a writer and blogger, who, when he played Horton the Elephant in Seussical the Musical, reminded me that there is still a way to Solla Sollew. Rebuttal from Griffin McElroy: Yes, I did play Horton in First Stage Theatre Company’s production of “Seussical the Musical.” And yes, I am a video game blogger for AOL. I am extremely proud of both facets of my life but tend to keep them hidden under a bushel basket in social situations. By revealing these two aspects, my father has revealed that I’m not only a total geek but also shapely enough to pretend to be an elephant.
My son Travis is an actor, raconteur and ladies’ man who put his life and career on hold for a couple of years while he kept an eye on his old man. Rebuttal from Travis McElroy: I’m not sure what a raconteur is, but it sounds like something disturbing and having to do with wildlife. Actually, I’m okay with that.
Justin, my first born, is an internet phenom and loving husband who couldn’t be here tonight because he went with his wife, Dr. Sydnee, on a medical mission. They are taking care of sick kids in Honduras. What does that tell you? Rebuttal from Justin McElroy: I am surprised that the Foundation did not take into account my father’s ill-advised April Fool’s Day prank a number of years ago, when he applied his own picture to the Wall of Fame with crude construction paper and Scotch tape.
Finally, there’s no mention of the one person who has always believed in me. The person who said, “You could be on that Saturday Night Live show!” And, “You need to write a book. You have a gift.” And, “Why don’t you go to Broadway? I know you would get parts!” She has always been there for me and always had faith in me. She just didn’t think I noticed. Well, Mom, I did notice. Thanks.
So there you have it. That’s why I need a bigger plaque. It’s for all these names and many, many more. They made me. They are my life.
And the adventure continues.
