By Clint McElroy
HQ 121 | Spring 2023
“I’m sorry McElroy, you didn’t make the list.”
With those eight words, Huntington Quarterly publisher, bon vivant and man-about-town Jack Houvouras shattered my dream of being one of the “50 Greatest Huntingtonians of All Time.”
Las Vegas oddsmakers had put me at 3-1 to be on the list, which I assumed would make me a shoo-in. After all, I am the man who spent 48 hours frozen alive in a block of ice for charity. I am the man who got food poisoning in a tent on the top of the Huntington Civic Center, also for charity. I’ve even been hit in the face with a pie by Huntington’s most famous native son — Soupy Sales, who did make the list.
To the 50 Greatest Huntingtonians of All Time selection committee, I say, “How did these milestones slip through the net?” These events were even recognized by Bill Murray, for crying out loud! Well, the Bill Murray of PM Magazine on WSAZ, not the Bill Murray of Saturday Night Live fame.
You see, I’ve always wanted to be the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) of something. That sounds like something that would look good on a resume (or a headstone).
Conversely, I don’t always agree with some of the GOAT selections I have read about. I am not in the “Tom Brady is the GOAT quarterback” camp. My reasoning is very sound: He played for Michigan. I’m more of a Brett Favre guy, mainly because he was in There’s Something About Mary, which is the GOAT movie dealing with hair-styling product.
Speaking of films, I don’t feel Citizen Kane is the GOAT movie. Sure, it’s brilliantly written, perfectly cast and expertly filmed; but there are no car chases, no explosions and no dazzling dialogue like “Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!” Meanwhile, The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze checks all of those boxes, and yet nobody ever mentions this classic movie when they discuss cinematic GOAT.
I openly scoff at the people who claim the wheel is the GOAT invention. Yeah, I know some amazing things are byproducts of that invention, including wheels of cheese, the Purple Olds 442 Hot Wheels car and, of course, Wheel of Fortune. However, none of those even comes close to the most amazing invention ever — the bidet. Thank you, France, for that clean and refreshing experience.
I must admit, after seeing the actual list of the 50 Huntington GOATs, my failure to get on the list makes sense. The folks on the list are truly great. They made huge contributions to the city, and each of them deserves the honor.
So how do I deal with the disappointment of not cracking the list? For one, I take comfort in the fact that I made the New York Times Best Seller List for the fifth time this month. And, I fall back on my go-to move — self-deception. See, I am pretty sure I must have been No. 51, just barely not making the cut. And that means there’s room for improvement.
Don’t ever stop trying to make the GOAT list, friends! I personally will strive to do bigger and better things in service of my community to earn that designation. Maybe I’ll get frozen alive for 49 hours.
Watch out, Brad Smith … I’m coming for YOU!
