By Clint McElroy
HQ 129 Spring 2025
Santa Claus. The Easter Bunny. Cupid. All of them beloved representatives of our favorite holidays. But what about the holiday icons that didn’t catch on? In my college days at Marshall University, I discovered in the stacks of the Morrow Library an ancient tome that told the story of one of these figures. Decades later, I was finally able to track him down. I present to you this transcript of a recent interview I conducted at an undisclosed location:
Clint: Could you state your name?
FFF: Fooly Fooly Fool.
Clint: How old are you?
FFF: Two-hundred sixty-eight and a half years old.
Clint: Now, Mister Fool —
FFF: Call me Fooly.
Clint: OK. Fooly. You were the official symbol of April Fool’s Day, correct?
FFF: That is correct. I received verified designation from CHARM.
Clint: What is CHARM?
FFF: Congress of Holiday Avatars, Realizations and Manifestations. I got my designation in 1813 during the war.
Clint: I believe that was the War of 1812 against Great Britain.
FFF: No, this was after that. The one against Antarctica.
Clint: I don’t remember —
FFF: I’M JOSHING YOU! [Laughs] It’s what I do!
Clint: Right, right.
FFF: But seriously, I was in the same certification class as Santa, the Easter Bunny and Cupid.
Clint: What was that like?
FFF: Rarified air, my friend. We were young and fearless, full of festiveness and vinegar. Kids loved us wherever we went. We were on magazine covers. People made up songs about us.
Clint: Do you remember any of them?
FFF: Oh, yeah. One of them was called “Fooly Fool Is Fooling You.” [Begins to sing]
Why is there shoe polish on Papa’s pipe?
Why are there worms in Mama’s shoe?
Why did you go out hunting Snipe?
’Cause Fooly Fool is fooling you!
Clint: That’s impressive.
FFF: You know how Santa’s thing is filling stockings with toys, and the Bunny’s gig is leaving baskets of candy? Well, I had my own schtick too.
Clint: Which was?
FFF: Jokes! Pranks! Goofs! Put-ons! At one minute after midnight, I would come out of the toilet —
Clint: The toilet?
FFF: Yep! Hey, Santa and the Bunny got to pick their gimmicks before I did. I got bathroom plumbing. Anyhoo, I would come out and go around the house setting up elaborate pranks on the family members, then slip out with a simple flush. People loved it!
Clint: So, what went wrong? I mean, no offense, but you’re not as well remembered as your contemporaries.
FFF: Look, kid, I know! I’ve had a couple of centuries to come to grips with being forgotten. Part of it was PR. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, even that late-comer Tooth Fairy realized early on that they needed people getting them out in the public eye. I didn’t. Everybody crushed me in public perception. Even that darned Groundhog.
Clint: That bad, huh?
FFF: Ever try pitching an animated holiday special where your main character comes out of a commode?
Clint: Good point.
FFF: But I think the main thing that went wrong was … I got co-opted.
Clint: By whom?
FFF: The world! My pranks were so popular, everybody started stealing them — shaving cream in Uncle Swen’s hand while he took a nap! Tying Dorothy’s shoelaces together! “I got your nose!” When the Whoopie Cushion came out, I could see the writing on the wall.
Clint: And it broke your heart?
FFF: Far from it! The people took my idea and made something even more amazing out of it. For one day a year, people pull pranks and laugh! Look how it’s evolved. Rubber bands on the kitchen sink sprayer, short-sheeting somebody’s bed, radio DJs announcing fake snow days — my legacy is in good hands.
Clint: And what a wonderful legacy it is. Thank you for talking to me, Fooly.
FFF: Hey, you got a little something on your tie.
Clint: I do? Where?
[Sound of a knuckle swiping up and hitting a nose]
FFF: IT’S WHAT I DO!
