By Clint McElroy
HQ 135 | AUTUMN 2026
Dear Chili Willi’s,
I truly hope you’re happy with your new life. No, really! I understand Charlotte is a lovely place. I’ve only seen the inside of the airport (on every flight I’ve taken in the last 10 years). But I know they have an NFL team, an NBA team and the NASCAR Hall of Fame. Who could blame you for relocating there?
And yet I can’t help being a little sad. We shared so much when we were together. I remember the first time I fell in love — it was with your huevos rancheros. Not just eggs on tortillas, oh no! Yours were stacked! STACKED! Who else would think of that? You were so creative!
Even when we parted, there was a lot of sweet mixed with the bitter. The last night of your artist residency in Huntington, I was sitting there with my 1-year-old granddaughter Lydia, whom we had plopped down on the table. I watched in delight as she hoovered up chips and salsa like Joey Chestnut hoovers up hot dogs. You changed her life, you know. She still bogarts every chip and every dollop of salsa that hits any table she’s sitting at.
I learned much from you, C.W. I spent four years at Ironton High School and four semesters at Marshall University studying Spanish, but I learned more vocabulary when I was with you than all those classes combined. Important words, like cervezas, mezcal and cuatro tequilas.
When you went away, I thought, “Oh well, there are plenty of other peces en la mar.” And while that’s true, I’ve had a few dalliances with others and none of them affected me the way you did. They were good, but they just didn’t have your scrumption. (If that’s not a word, then let this stand as my official copyright for it.)
I realize we have both moved on. You’re apparently very happy with your new “arrangement” with your Charlotte, as am I with my Carol. But I must admit, sometimes I cry out in the middle of the night, “Texas Red! Texas Red!” Carol doesn’t seem to mind. She gets it. Just as often, she wakes me yelling, “Cadillac Nachos!”
I hope you think of me fondly. Speaking for myself, I must tell you that my thoughts turn to you whenever I get heartburn.
Heart … Burn … How appropriate.
Vaya con Dios, mi amor.
Your Ex,
Clint McElroy
CLINT McELROY is an author, actor, podcaster and former local radio celebrity.
