By Clint McElroy
HQ 109 | SPRING 2020
My entire family was on a cruise ship when things really started to go south with the COVID-19 pandemic. At the end of the cruise we realized we would be leaving behind sandy shores, piña coladas, new friends and food prepared by someone other than ourselves.
We got off the ship on March 14 — one of the last cruises to complete a voyage for who knows how long. We then hopped on a plane, and after landing at Yeager Airport we immediately made a beeline for the Gucci Kroger in Barboursville to plunder the rapidly depleted shelves for much-needed supplies. Okay, there may have been a couple packages of Oreos in there, but everything else was essential.
Since that time, my wife and I have been on lockdown in our home nearly 24 hours a day for going on six weeks now. For your amusement and pleasure, I offer you a list of some of the activities we took part in together during “The Great Quarantine.”
Carol: Housecleaning. When we first got home, it was to a house that was “visitor clean,” since that’s something I always insist on before going out of town. The only time we thoroughly clean is when people are coming to our house, or when we are leaving the house, which sounds like we clean a lot. We don’t. But now we realized we wouldn’t be able to escape our clutter for a while, so housecleaning became a daily duty.
Clint: Cooking. My wife is a terrific cook, ask anybody. But we are also big lovers of dining out so she doesn’t have to cook three freaking meals a day, every day! One of the things that helped? We got a shipment of Blue Apron meals — meals sent to you with all the ingredients and easy-to-follow recipes. “Oh, what fun!” we thought. “Cooking together, side by side in the kitchen, sharing the delight of the culinary arts.” The food was delicious, and I think we only struck each other with frying pans once, maybe twice.
Carol: Tutoring. We FaceTime with our granddaughter Lydia on a regular basis to help her with homework. Clint got on and tried to remember geometry and fractions, and I read one of my favorite books to her — Harriet the Spy. This actually inspired Clint to do a livestream reading of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, one chapter per evening, on the McElroy Family channel on YouTube. Eventually I joined in too, but I refused to wear any of his goofy hats.
Clint: Visiting. Before you report us to the proper authorities, please note all our visits were strictly virtual. Using apps like Zoom and the aforementioned FaceTime, we stayed in touch with friends, children and grandchildren. We shared dinner with Carol’s son, T.J., her daughter, Abby, son-in-law, Chris, and my mom, Nonnie. The new movie Trolls World Tour came out on video, and my sons Justin, Travis and Griffin were in it! Their respective roles in the movie were the Rocker Tear, the Country Music Tear, the Tumbleweed and, appropriately enough, the three-headed Skyscraper Troll. We all watched the movie together using a video chat app. It was very sweet watching the movie with our children and grandchildren.
Carol: Binge-watching. It sounds wonderful when you say it out loud, doesn’t it? I mean, you can only watch so much news coverage before your brain craves an escape to a world of make-believe. Still, sitting for hours watching TV with our mouths open, except when we were eating anything snack-worthy, wasn’t a pretty picture. But according to my friend Jeromy Moore, COVID calories don’t count, so I don’t feel nearly as bad.
Clint: Yard work. To me, yard work is like housework — if nobody’s coming over to see it then why do it? This dovetails nicely with my unofficial title of Laziest Man on the Planet. But Carol pointed out to me (loudly and with numerous hand gestures of questionable decency) that it was rewarding because we could see the benefits, it temporarily kept us from worrying about COVID and it provided something called “exercise.” I was not familiar with that term.
Carol: Sewing surgical masks. Having worked in a hospital for nearly 20 years before retiring last year, I had to wear the damn things every day. But people I know and love needed them, so I broke out my 40-year-old Singer sewing machine and had at it … griping and complaining the whole time. But, that’s me.
Clint: Animal Crossing. It’s a video game you can play interactively with other people on the Nintendo Switch. You get to hang out with friends and family members, doing things like fishing, gardening and even shell-collecting! It was very therapeutic to visit Justin and Charlie’s island and dig for fossils, even if it was just virtual digging.
Carol: Shopping. After our self-imposed quarantine, I decided I needed to venture out to the grocery store. I chose a store I have been shopping at for my entire life, but it still caused me great anxiety. I wore gloves and a mask and cleaned everything when I brought it home. But the whole venture freaked me out so completely that I had to take to my bed, much like a Victorian damsel-in-distress.
Finally, in the spirit of full disclosure, there have been allegations that we snuck out late at night to help a certain Bunny hide Easter eggs in select Tri-State homes. We are neither confirming nor denying those allegations.
And the adventure continues, despite this damned virus …
